Ret. 3-2-15
Showing posts with label Values-Ethics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Values-Ethics. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Monday, March 2, 2015
Four Essentials
Belonging, mastery, independence and generosity...
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| Martin Brokenleg, Ed.D. |
LAKOTA TRIBE “THE FOUR ESSENTIAL
EXPERIENCES EVERY HUMAN BEING NEEDS”
There are essentially two kinds of learning a person needs to be
successful in life. The first kind is the focus of school systems, and is “knowledge”. Knowledge is important because it develops a person’s mind.
But perhaps even more important is the second kind of learning, the experiences that develop a person’s heart and spirit. These most schools don’t know how to provide. Only families, true
communities, healers, and mentors know how to provide these kinds of experiences.
The Native American cultures believe that once you have taught a person’s heart, they can spend the rest of their lives getting the knowledge they need. But the heart is the foundation and has got to be “right”. Here’s an example from my life, of the Lakota Traditional Way.
Where ever my parents went, we had to go along. In my life, I was never away from my mother or father until I turned 17 years old. I was about to go into grade 11, but had an opportunity to go to a military high school. I always wanted to do something like that, so
I applied and was accepted.
My parents drove me from South Dakota to Minnesota where the school was. I stayed there until the “Christmas Break” when we were sent home, in our uniforms.
My parents picked me up at the airport and I had a wonderful holiday time with my family. When the break was done, my father drove me to Rapid City and the airport. All the way the radio was forecasting a terrific blizzard with 70 mile an hour winds and 30 below temperatures. As soon as we got there, my dad set me up in a hotel, arranged for a shuttle to take me to the airport in the morning, and left to get home before the storm. He called me later that night to let me know he got there OK. I was relieved.
Over night the blizzard had come in. When I got up the next morning I looked down from my fourth floor window and couldn’t even see the ground. I went down to the lobby and the clerk said the shuttle and the plane were still a “go”. I don’t know how.
I looked out the window again and saw no traffic, but just one shadowy figure as it passed under the street light. In a minute, that form came into the hotel, totally wrapped up in a Pendelton blanket. As she unwrapped, there I saw my dad’s cousin who I know
lived over four miles away and who had no car.
She had walked all that way in that horrible blizzard to see me.
There are essentially two kinds of learning a person needs to be
successful in life. The first kind is the focus of school systems, and is “knowledge”. Knowledge is important because it develops a person’s mind.
But perhaps even more important is the second kind of learning, the experiences that develop a person’s heart and spirit. These most schools don’t know how to provide. Only families, true
communities, healers, and mentors know how to provide these kinds of experiences.
The Native American cultures believe that once you have taught a person’s heart, they can spend the rest of their lives getting the knowledge they need. But the heart is the foundation and has got to be “right”. Here’s an example from my life, of the Lakota Traditional Way.
Where ever my parents went, we had to go along. In my life, I was never away from my mother or father until I turned 17 years old. I was about to go into grade 11, but had an opportunity to go to a military high school. I always wanted to do something like that, so
I applied and was accepted.
My parents drove me from South Dakota to Minnesota where the school was. I stayed there until the “Christmas Break” when we were sent home, in our uniforms.
My parents picked me up at the airport and I had a wonderful holiday time with my family. When the break was done, my father drove me to Rapid City and the airport. All the way the radio was forecasting a terrific blizzard with 70 mile an hour winds and 30 below temperatures. As soon as we got there, my dad set me up in a hotel, arranged for a shuttle to take me to the airport in the morning, and left to get home before the storm. He called me later that night to let me know he got there OK. I was relieved.
Over night the blizzard had come in. When I got up the next morning I looked down from my fourth floor window and couldn’t even see the ground. I went down to the lobby and the clerk said the shuttle and the plane were still a “go”. I don’t know how.
I looked out the window again and saw no traffic, but just one shadowy figure as it passed under the street light. In a minute, that form came into the hotel, totally wrapped up in a Pendelton blanket. As she unwrapped, there I saw my dad’s cousin who I know
lived over four miles away and who had no car.
She had walked all that way in that horrible blizzard to see me.
She came up to me and wrapped me in her arms. She said, “Son, I heard you were here for a couple of hours and I wanted to see you. How are you? How’s your mom and dad?” We sat and talked for a while until my shuttle pulled up out front.
When I stood to go, she stood and put her arms around me again and said, “I want you to know I’m proud of you for staying in school. Look at you in your uniform! I’m going to pray for you every day. You learn everything you can.”
Then she put on her blanket again and went back out into that blizzard again.
If somebody does that for you, you know you are significant. It can’t be conveyed in words, it must be experienced. And that’s what will shape your heart.
There are FOUR fundamental experiences which
every human being needs:
1. We need to know from experience that we belong, and we need to experience it over and over again throughout our whole life.
2. We need to know that we are the masters of something. If it’s a hula dance, terrific! If it’s a language, wonderful! If it’s academic, beautiful! If it’s not those things, but it’s something else, that’s significant and it’s enough.
3. We need to know that we are responsible for ourselves. Good discipline teaches that to a child, but good discipline never uses punishment. Real discipline allows natural or even logical consequences to teach us to be responsible. That’s why we must never be “protected” from the consequences of our decisions.
4. We will know our own personal goodness if we live a life of generosity. We are not here just for ourselves.
Too many people have not experienced these four things so they have lost sight of themselves, of who they were meant to be. That must be our work. We must see them for who they were meant to be, not who they are right now. We must design and then provide
experiences of the kind that touch their hearts, and then, they will begin again to move in the direction they were meant to go.
The previous is a paraphrase of a presentation by Dr. Martin Brokenleg, Director of Native Ministries at the Vancouver School of Theology in British Columbia Canada, and Vice President of Reclaiming Youth International, of Lennox South Dakota, USA, http://www.reclaiming.com. The presentation was given at the 6th National Conference of Family & Community Violence Prevention, April 6-9, 2005 in Hawaii.
Ret. 10-8-12
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
28 Things You Should Never Say...
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| houseofbeck.com |
Although this is intended for employees, these communication tidbits really show who we are and who we can become in the larger world. We have probably used or heard some of these without even considering what they really suggest to others. 'Good to learn these lessons early in life!
The list precedes the first part of the article.
28 Things You Should Never Say To Your Boss
Business Insider
jsmith@businessinsider.com
by Jacquelyn Smith
Aside from the obvious — like
profanity and insults — here are 28 phrases you should avoid:
"I can't."
A "can-do" attitude is
always a valued trait. "I can't" shows both a lack of confidence and
unwillingness to take chances — neither of which will endear you to management,
says Taylor.
"That's not my area." Or,
"That's not part of my job."
No job description is ever set in
stone. "As cross-functional teams remain the order of the day, you're
expected to be flexible and make your boss' life easier," Taylor explains.
"As a side note, the more skillsets you accumulate, the more indispensable
you are."
Saying that you're not willing to go
beyond your role shows that you are also not willing to pitch in for the
success of the company, Kahn adds.
"I don't know."
You may not have the answers to
every question, but your best guess and a promise to find out is much better
than a shrug of the shoulders, she says. "Anytime your boss would need to
do the work for you, assume that's not a path you should take."
"No."
Your cooperation is expected, and so
is a polite tone. "Telling your boss 'no' is
a challenge, and is sometimes necessary — but
it can be inappropriate if you don't phrase it well with an explanation,"
Taylor says. "For example, if your boss says, 'Do you have time to work on
the Smith project today?' you shouldn't just say, 'No.' Instead try something
like, 'Today will be a challenge if you still want me to focus on that company
presentation. Would you prefer I work on this today instead?'"
"I'll try."
Some people think that this is an
acceptable response, as we all "try" to get things done to our best
ability. But it leaves a manager feeling unsure, and when assignments are
given, your boss is counting on you, usually with specific deadlines, says
Taylor. "Imagine yourself asking, 'Will you be signing off on my paycheck
on the 15th?' and your boss responding, 'I will try.'"
"That's not what I heard."
Avoiding gossip and conjecture is a
good idea, as it can backfire. If you're not sure about something, wait, or you
risk appearing unprofessional.
"How do I benefit from
this?"
Sometimes your work involves helping
others and other departments. Bosses have little tolerance for those who aren't
team players, Taylor says.
"I'm sorry, but…"
"The caveat essentially cancels
any genuine apologetic sentiment," Taylor says. "A straight, 'I'm
sorry…I'll be much more aware of this next time' is the expected response when
you mess up."
"Well, I did my best."
This is a cop-out. If you made a
mistake, and that was your best, that doesn't speak highly of your abilities.
The better response is that you'll get it right next time.
"I'll leave."
Don't threaten to leave the company,
says Kahn. It's unprofessional and they'll consider you a flight risk.
"I just assumed that…"
That phrase causes frustration for
many bosses, as they'd rather hear that you made an error in judgment and
learned from it, versus excuses. "To err is human, but to defer blame is a
career killer," Taylor says.
"I've tried that before."
Bosses have little tolerance for
laziness. "Examine whether you really gave the option a shot before you
shoot it down," she suggests. "Your boss may have something else in
mind." Alternatively, explain that you appreciate the suggestion, and
tried XYZ, with such and such a result — but would be glad to try something
more effective.
"At my last job we did it this
way."
No manager likes a know-it-all, so
you must tread lightly if you think you have a better way. "You're better
off phrasing sensitive or challenging responses by turning them into questions
versus being confrontational," Taylor says.
"It's really not my fault; it's
John's fault."
The blame game is a treacherous
path. If you're innocent, then explain why. Don't implicate others if you bear
the primary responsibility, Taylor says.
"Taking responsibility is
key," adds Kahn. "If your always seen as someone pointing the finger,
eventually your boss is going to question who is really to blame."
"[Your predecessor] did this
differently/better."
"Bosses usually feel that their
methods are preferred over their predecessors because they now hold the
position," Taylor explains. "Unless a method is clearly a mistake,
don't challenge your boss with the 'old ways of doing things' just because they
made things easier for you."
"I'm bored."
"You may have a weak moment and
share your boredom with the wrong person: your boss," says Taylor.
"You're being paid to be productive and remain enthusiastic; it's your
responsibility to find ways to make your job interesting."
"I can't work with
him/her."
"Not playing well with
others" isn't good in elementary school, nor is it in the workplace. It's
assumed that you are capable of getting beyond personality conflicts in the
interest of delivering excellent results.
"He's a jerk."
"The golden rule is something
your boss expects you to observe, and casting aspersions on others has no
redeeming value. It just reflects badly on you," she says.
"If I don't hear from you, I'll
just do X."
This has a threatening tone. Better
to wait than be admonished later.
"Why does Jane always…?"
Whining is annoying. "If you
have a gripe, better to ask how you can attain a certain privilege, and leave
others out of the discussion," she suggests.
"Can I/we speak with your boss
about this?" Or, "I want to speak with HR about this."
"Going over your boss' head
challenges authority — a usually no-win situation, unless you're about to quit
(or be terminated) and have no other recourse," says Taylor.
If you're going to HR, don't
threaten in advance, she adds. "And you should avoid it unless you've
exhausted all the options with your boss."
"I don't have a solution."
Don't tell the boss about problems
without presenting potential solutions, says Kahn. "Leaders talk about
solutions; followers talk about the problems."
"Why does John have X and I
don't?"
Focus on your own career, not
others' salary or promotions — unless you're witnessing blatant favoritism.
"If that's the case, you can opt for a more professional discussion once
you've collected your thoughts about the facts," Taylor says.
"I'm pretty busy. Can it
wait?"
It's your responsibility to ask your
boss if priorities have changed, as your objectives must stay aligned with your
manager's. "Priorities are rarely stagnant, so as in most cases, your
better option is to ask if you should reshuffle them," she recommends.
"Can I leave early today since
things are slow?"
It's fine if you have to leave
early. But don't say it's because "things are slow" or you have
"nothing to do." "There are always more projects in the
pipeline. Bosses want you to show initiative," she says.
"That's impossible."
Your manager doesn't want to hear
negativity or a lack of conviction. If you have concerns, state what they are,
and ask for input.
One of the best approaches in
deciding whether to share your thoughts with your boss or ask sensitive
questions is to put yourself in their shoes, Taylor suggests. "Do your
comments and questions reflect a positive, can-do, and confident demeanor? Remember
loose lips sink ships — so choose your words carefully when you feel
challenged at work if you want to thrive in your career."
The introduction of the article
Honesty is the best policy in the
workplace — with a few exceptions.
"It's important to be cautious
with what you say to your boss, as even the slightest slip up could make or
break your career," says Ryan Kahn, a career coach, founder of The Hired Group, and
author of "Hired! The Guide for the
Recent Grad." "There are the
obvious things to hold back from saying to your boss, but the key is to dissect
the little things in your interactions."
Lynn Taylor, a national workplace
expert and the author of " Tame Your Terrible Office
Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job," agrees. "There are certain comments and
questions based on negative perspectives that can set you back with your
boss," she says. "If they continue unabated, these phrases can
sabotage an otherwise great job."
A good practice is to first pause
before blurting out something you might regret and examine what you're trying
to achieve, and the likely reaction you'll get from your boss.
"If you think you may regret
it, you probably will," she says. "Better to err on the side of
waiting until you can crystallize your thoughts into a more palatable and
professional dialogue."
In honor of National Boss Day, which
is celebrated in the US on October 16 each year, we've compiled a list of the
words and phrases you should never say to your manager.
Ret. 10-16-14
Sunday, October 19, 2014
50 Ethical Words to Add to Your Conversations
1. ACCOUNTABLE
a. Responsibility
to someone or for some activity.
2. AMBITION
a. A
strong desire to do or achieve something; determination.
3. ASHAMED
a. Feeling
badly for the wrong you’ve done.
4. BAD
a. Unworthy,
unwanted; of poor quality; not good in any manner; having a wicked or evil
character.
5. CARING
a. An
attitude or response to the wellbeing and welfare of others; showing them that
they matter.
6. CHARACTER
a. It’s
who you are and how others take you.
7. CHARITY
a. Doing
good for free.
8. CONFIDENIALITY
a. Keeping
your eyes on your own work and keeping your mouth shut.
9. CONFLICT
OF INTEREST
a. Being
pulled in two directions and any way you look at it someone’s going to get
hurt.
10. CONSIDERATE
a. Looking
out for the other person.
11. COOPERATION
a. Getting
along with others and helping others get along with you.
12. CORRUPT
a. Working
against the good.
13. DECEPTION
a. Giving
someone the wrong idea.
14. DUE
PROCESS
a. Having
rules and consistently following those rules.
15. DUTY
a. Obligation;
what you know you must do.
16. EHTICS/ETHICAL
a. Morals;
fundamental ways for getting along well.
17. FAIR/FAIR
DEAL
a. Equitable;
where parties involved are aware of the deal and comfortable with the results.
18. FREEDOM
a. A
real opportunity for success or failure.
19. GENEROUS
a. Giving
extra.
20. GOOD
a. Worthy
of public acclaim; it’s what people nod their heads to and say “well done”.
21. GREEDY
a. You
want more, you need more; you don’t know how to share.
22. HAPPINESS
a. A
state of well-being and contentment.
23. HARM
a. To
do or cause harm to; physical or moral injury.
24. HONESTY
a. Tell
the truth; don’t lie.
25. HONORABLE
a. Dedicated
to being better; to be straight forward and true.
26. HUMILITY
a. No
matter how special you are you don’t go around bragging about it.
27. HUMOR
a. The
quality of being amusing or comic.
28. INTEGRITY
a. Walking
the talk.
29. KINDNESS
a. Gentle
consideration of others.
30. LOYALTY
a. A
strong feeling of support and allegiance.
31. MERCY
a. Forgiving
the past; intentionally letting go for a reason.
32. MORAL
COURAGE
a. Doing
the right thing even when it’s difficult, unpopular, or comes at a cost.
33. MORALS/MORALITY
a. Ethics;
fundamental ways for getting along well.
34. NOBLE
a. High-minded;
striving for excellence.
35. PATIENCE
a. It’s
a matter of pace; the ability to adjust to others.
36. PERSISTENCE
a. Strong
will; never giving up, giving in, or giving out.
37. PRIDE
a. Feeling
good about yourself and what you do.
38. PRINCIPALS
a. Rules
for living a good life.
39. PRUDENT
a. Being
practical.
40. REDEMPTION
a. Giving
someone a second chance.
41. RELIABLE
a. Credible;
Dependable.
42. RESPECT
a. Recognizing
value in yourself, in others, and in the world.
43. RESPONSIBILITY
a. What
you’re in charge of.
44. RIGHT
a. Correct
and proper.
45. STEALING
a. Taking
something that isn’t yours.
46. TOLERANT
a. Showing
willingness to opinions or behaviors that you don’t necessarily agree with.
47. TRUST/TRUSTWORTHY
a. An
expectation that others won’t harm you; being worthy of trust.
48. VALUES
a. The
things that are important to us.
49. VIRTUE
a. Excellence
of character.
50. WRONG
a. Not
correct or true; unjust, dishonest, or immoral.
Questions to guide your conversations around ethical behavior
51. What
does _______ mean? What does this
_______ mean to you?
52. What
does _______ look like?
53. Is
_______ positive or negative?
54. What
are ways that people practice _________?
What are ways that you practice _________?
55. Why
is it important to practice/not practice _________?
56. What
good/bad comes from practicing __________?
57. How
does it feel when someone expresses ___________ to you?
58. Who
are some people in your life that practice ___________?
59. When
do you practice __________ in school?
Outside of school?
60. How
can you practice/not practice _________ over the next week?
teammates.org/postsecondary/files/2011/07/50-Ethical-Words.docx
teammates.org/postsecondary/files/2011/07/50-Ethical-Words.docx
If you desire the book available on Amazon...
Ethinary:
An Ethics Dictionary: 50 Ethical Words to Add to Your Conversations by
Beverly Kracher Ph.D. and Jerry Stegeman (Sep 23, 2011)
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