LikeabilityTips, Business Insider

14 Habits Of Exceptionally Likable People

RICHARD FELONI               MAY 22, 2014, 9:00 AM           1,669,305 views 

Leonardo DiCaprio as Jay Gatsby in "The Great Gatsby."

Personal branding through social media may help you build your professional network, but there will never be a replacement for a charismatic personality. 

Napoleon Hill, author of "Think and Grow Rich" — one of the top-selling books of all time — wrote about the habits of the most likable people in his essay "Develop A Pleasing Personality," published in the forthcoming collection "The Science of Success."

He introduced his steps to having a "million-dollar personality" by explaining it was steel magnate Charles M. Schwab's charming demeanor that in the late 19th century elevated him from day laborer to an executive with a $75,000 salary and a frequent million-dollar bonus (astronomical numbers for the time).

Schwab's boss, the legendary industrialist Andrew Carnegie said "the yearly salary was for the work Schwab performed, but the bonus was for what Schwab, with his pleasing personality, could get others to do," Hill writes.

Here are Hill's 14 habits of people who are so likable that others go out of their way to help them:

1. They develop a positive mental attitude and let it be seen and felt by others.

It's often easier to give into cynicism, but those who choose to be positive set themselves up for success and have better reputations.

2. They always speak in a carefully disciplined, friendly tone.

The best communicators speak deliberately and confidently, which gives their voice a pleasing sound.

3. They pay close attention to someone speaking to them.

Using a conversation as an opportunity to lecture someone "may feed the ego, but it never attracts people or makes friends," Hill says.

4. They are able to maintain their composure in all circumstances.

An overreaction to something either positive or negative can give people a poor impression. In the latter case, says Hill, "Remember that silence may be much more effective than your angry words."

5. They are patient.

"Remember that proper timing of your words and acts may give you a big advantage over impatient people," Hill writes.

6. They keep an open mind.

Those who close themselves off from certain ideas and associate only with like-minded people are missing out on not only personal growth but also opportunities for advancing their careers.

7. They smile when speaking with others.

Hill says that president Franklin D. Roosevelt's greatest asset was his "million-dollar smile," which allowed people to lower their guards during conversation.

8. They know that not all their thoughts need to be expressed.

The most likable people know that it's not worth offending people by expressing all their thoughts, even if they happen to be true.

9. They don't procrastinate.

Procrastination communicates to people that you're afraid of taking action, Hill says, and are therefore ineffective.

10. They engage in at least one good deed a day.

The best networkers help other people out without expecting anything in return.

11. They find a lesson in failure rather than brood over it.

People admire those who grow from failure rather than wallow in it. "Express your gratitude for having gained a measure of wisdom, which would not have come without defeat," Hill says.

12. They act as if the person they are speaking to is the most important person in the world.

The most likable people use conversations as an opportunity to learn about another person and give them time to talk.

13. They praise others in a genuine way without being excessive.

"Praise the good traits of others, but don't rub it on where it is not deserved or spread it too thickly," Hill says.

14. They have someone they trust point out their flaws.

Successful people don't pretend to be likable; they are likable because they care about their conduct and reputation. Having a confidant who can be completely honest with them allows them to continue growing.

http://www.businessinsider.com/habits-of-exceptionally-likable-people-2014-5

Ret. 5-5-15

Likeability for Males

blogs.pyschecenter.com

Often we enjoy reading and posting articles written for men's publications such as Men's Health, Esquire, and others. Adapt for age appropriate conversations. Females can discuss these tips, too.

mensxp.com

MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

13 Insanely Simple Ways to Be More Likable

Everything from how you stand to what you say influences how people see you

BY ALI EAVES, JULY 24, 2014

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 Video link    http://bcove.me/xgf9e8gp 

It can take as little as 100 milliseconds for people to make up their minds about you, research has shown. That’s literally less than the blink of an eye. With that little time, everything from what you wear to what you do with your hands has an impact. 

Being likable is mainly about being accessible, says Marc Salem, Ph.D., a nonverbal communications consultant. "You want to break down barriers between you and other people," he says. If you want to make the most of those first 100 milliseconds and the ones that follow—whether it’s for a first date or a job interview—nail these 13 simple steps. (And for hundreds more tips and techniques that will not only make you more likable, but flatten your belly, sharpen your mind, and keep you healthy for life, check out The Better Men Project—the new cutting-edge book for men from the Editor-in-Chief of Men's Health.)

1. Take care of your nails

You probably already know that you should and brush your teeth and trim your beard. But nails are an often overlooked and surprisingly important part of grooming, Salem says. "It shows a basic tendency to care," he says. There's laziness to an unkempt appearance. "But when you're well groomed, you're more pleasant to be around," he says. "You sparkle and you feel better."

2. Use just enough cologne

People will like you more if you smell nice—but not too nice. A study from Northwestern University found that people rated faces as more likable if they were accompanied by a pleasant aroma, but only if they were unaware of the smell. So when putting on cologne, steer clear of using too much—two spritzes should do the trick. Subtlety is key because you want the person to like you, not your musk, says Alec Beall, a researcher who studies attraction.

3. Ditch the shades

You want to look approachable, not shady, Salem says. Covering your face creates a barrier between you and the other person and makes you seem standoffish. So save the sunglasses for when you really need them, like at the game or at the beach, and take them off when you meet new people.

4. Let Baxter tag along

Next time you head to a barbecue, ask the host if you can bring your dog. Research has shown that the furry friend can make you more likable just by being near you. People appear happier, safer, and more relaxed when they’re with man’s best friend, the study says. Plus, it's a great way to break the ice with new people. Unless of course your dog is a menace—better to leave him at home than risk pissing off (or on) the hostess.

5. Kick your feet up

Lean back in your chair, kick your feet up onto your desk, and interlace your fingers behind your head, with your elbows wide. Feels pretty good, right? A study from Columbia and Harvard universities shows that this pose will infuse you with energy and confidence. It actually changes your body chemistry: After two minutes in that position, levels of testosterone rise and levels of cortisol fall. The researchers call this "power posing" and recommend taking the pose in preparation for high-pressure social situations. In a subsequent study, people who power-posed before a mock job interview were more likely to get the job.

Just don't do this while you're with another person, Salem warns. The pose exerts dominance. If your goal is likability, you want to be accessible. 

6. Don't cross your arms

You might be chilly, but to the other person, you look rude, Salem says. If your hands are open—for example, at your sides with your palms facing the other person—it communicates that you're accepting. While you're at it, pivot to face the person head-on. This shows that you're completely vulnerable, Salem says.

7. Nod at strangers on the street

Make eye contact with your fellow humans. Being acknowledged with a glance or a smile by passersby makes people feel connected, a study from Purdue University found. (On the flip side, looking through them—gazing at their eye level but not meeting their eyes—makes them feel ostracized.) In a world where most people are busy pretending there's something interesting on their phones, you'll stand out with just a nod.

8. Flash those pearly whites

It may seem like a no-brainer that smiling makes you look friendlier, but tell that to someone from Poland, where smiling at strangers is a sign of stupidity. And if you smile at people in Norway, they assume you're drunk, crazy, or American. (Or all of the above.) The Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology found that in general, smiling people are seen as smarter. Your grin is especially safe in the U.S., Germany, and China. 

An important caveat is that your smile must be genuine. "People can pick up a fake smile a mile away," Salem says. "It comes quickly and vanishes quickly, and there's a thinness at the lips." So if you're not feeling it, don't fake it.

9. Respect the bubble

Leave a healthy space between you and your acquaintance—get too close, and you may be perceived as a threat. A study from the University of Toledo found that invading personal space causes people to sense that there may be impending violence. In the U.S., most people's bubbles extend 10 to 20 inches  from their body, Salem says. An easy rule of thumb: the closest you should get to someone is about the length from your elbow to your fingertips. 

10. Be a chameleon

People like you more when you mimic their postures, movements, and mannerisms, research has shown. For example, take note if your boss tilts his head to one side, leans forward, or smiles, and do that. Make sure it's not obvious, Salem says, or you might creep them out. "But if you do it subtly," he says, "they feel like you are entering their world."

11. Know when to shut up

Don’t be a one-upper responding to your buddy's every statement with your own story. Scientists have a name for that—reciprocal self-disclosure—and it's annoying. Research has shown that people who make empathetic statements are liked more than people who respond with their own stories. "The key is to ask thoughtful questions and resist the urge to jump in with our own comments and observations," says Chris Malone, coauthor of The HUMAN Brand: How We Relate to People, Products & Companies. "Just listen, process, and then ask another thoughtful question."

12. Don't be a Debbie Downer

Negative thoughts about how others perceive you can be self-fulfilling, according to a study from the Netherlands. The researchers say that thinking people don't like you can actually change your behavior and make you act unlikable. For example, you might avoid eye contact, stop listening, and gaze off into the distance—and who wants to hang out with a bump on a log?

13. Be you, bro

Good news: You're perceived to be trustworthy just because you're a guy, according to a new study from the University of Alabama. The researchers had people rate witnesses as they testified in court on a scale of 1 to 10 on likability, trustworthiness, confidence, and knowledge. The male witnesses received an average trustworthy score of 7.43, while the women’s was 6.70. (Men’s likability rating was higher, too, but not enough to be significant.) The researchers say it may have to do with men historically having more power and status than women. Just don't use this fact in an argument with your girlfriend.

http://www.menshealth.com/best-life/make-people-like-you

Ret. 5-5-15