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blogs.pyschecenter.com
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Often we enjoy reading and posting articles written for men's publications such as Men's Health, Esquire, and others. Adapt for age appropriate conversations. Females can discuss these tips, too.
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| mensxp.com |
MAKE
PEOPLE LIKE YOU
13 Insanely Simple Ways to Be More Likable
Everything from how
you stand to what you say influences how people see you
I
It can take as
little as 100 milliseconds for people to make up their minds about you,
research has shown. That’s literally less than the blink of an eye. With that
little time, everything from what you wear to what you do with your hands has
an impact.
Being likable is
mainly about being accessible, says Marc Salem, Ph.D., a nonverbal
communications consultant. "You want to break down barriers between you
and other people," he says. If you want to make the most of those first
100 milliseconds and the ones that follow—whether it’s for a first date or a
job interview—nail these 13 simple steps. (And for hundreds more tips and
techniques that will not only make you more likable, but flatten your belly,
sharpen your mind, and keep you healthy for life, check out The Better Men Project—the new cutting-edge book for men
from the Editor-in-Chief of Men's Health.)
1. Take care of your nails
You probably
already know that you should and brush your teeth and trim your beard. But
nails are an often overlooked and surprisingly important part of grooming,
Salem says. "It shows a basic tendency to care," he says. There's
laziness to an unkempt appearance. "But when you're well groomed, you're
more pleasant to be around," he says. "You sparkle and you feel
better."
2. Use just enough cologne
People will like
you more if you smell nice—but not too nice. A
study from Northwestern University found that people rated faces as more
likable if they were accompanied by a pleasant aroma, but only if they were
unaware of the smell. So when putting on cologne, steer clear of using too
much—two spritzes should do the trick. Subtlety is key because you want the person
to like you, not your musk, says Alec Beall, a researcher who
studies attraction.
3. Ditch the shades
You want to look
approachable, not shady, Salem says. Covering your face creates a barrier
between you and the other person and makes you seem standoffish. So save the
sunglasses for when you really need them, like at the game or at the beach, and
take them off when you meet new people.
4. Let Baxter tag along
Next time you head
to a barbecue, ask the host if you can bring your dog. Research has shown that
the furry friend can make you more likable just by being near you. People
appear happier, safer, and more relaxed when they’re with man’s best friend,
the study says. Plus, it's a great way to break the ice with new people. Unless
of course your dog is a menace—better to leave him at home than risk pissing
off (or on) the hostess.
5. Kick your feet up
Lean back in your
chair, kick your feet up onto your desk, and interlace your fingers behind your
head, with your elbows wide. Feels pretty good, right? A study from Columbia
and Harvard universities shows that this pose will infuse you with energy and confidence.
It actually changes your body chemistry: After two minutes in that position,
levels of testosterone rise and levels of cortisol fall. The researchers call
this "power posing" and recommend taking the pose in preparation for
high-pressure social situations. In a subsequent study, people who power-posed
before a mock job interview were more likely to get the job.
Just don't do this
while you're with another person, Salem
warns. The pose exerts dominance. If your goal is likability, you want to be
accessible.
6. Don't cross your arms
You might be
chilly, but to the other person, you look rude, Salem says. If your hands are
open—for example, at your sides with your palms facing the other person—it
communicates that you're accepting. While you're at it, pivot to face the
person head-on. This shows that you're completely vulnerable, Salem says.
7. Nod at strangers on the street
Make eye contact
with your fellow humans. Being acknowledged with a glance or a smile by
passersby makes people feel connected, a study from Purdue University found.
(On the flip side, looking through them—gazing at their eye level but not
meeting their eyes—makes them feel ostracized.) In a world where most people
are busy pretending there's something interesting on their phones, you'll stand
out with just a nod.
8. Flash those pearly whites
It may seem like a
no-brainer that smiling makes you look friendlier, but tell that to someone
from Poland, where smiling at strangers is a sign of stupidity. And if you
smile at people in Norway, they assume you're drunk, crazy, or American. (Or
all of the above.) The Journal of Cross-Cultural
Psychology found that in general, smiling people are seen as
smarter. Your grin is especially safe in the U.S., Germany, and China.
An important caveat
is that your smile must be genuine. "People can pick up a fake smile a
mile away," Salem says. "It comes quickly and vanishes quickly, and
there's a thinness at the lips." So if you're not feeling it, don't fake
it.
9. Respect the bubble
Leave a healthy space
between you and your acquaintance—get too close, and you may be perceived as a
threat. A study from the University of Toledo found that invading personal
space causes people to sense that there may be impending violence. In the U.S.,
most people's bubbles extend 10 to 20 inches from their body, Salem says.
An easy rule of thumb: the closest you should get to someone is about the
length from your elbow to your fingertips.
10. Be a chameleon
People like you
more when you mimic their postures, movements, and mannerisms, research has
shown. For example, take note if your boss tilts his head to one side, leans
forward, or smiles, and do that. Make sure it's not obvious, Salem says, or you
might creep them out. "But if you do it subtly," he says, "they
feel like you are entering their world."
11. Know when to shut up
Don’t be a
one-upper responding to your buddy's every statement with your own story.
Scientists have a name for that—reciprocal self-disclosure—and it's annoying.
Research has shown that people who make empathetic statements are liked more
than people who respond with their own stories. "The key is to ask
thoughtful questions and resist the urge to jump in with our own comments and
observations," says Chris Malone, coauthor of The HUMAN Brand: How We Relate to People, Products & Companies.
"Just listen, process, and then ask another thoughtful question."
12. Don't be a Debbie Downer
Negative thoughts
about how others perceive you can be self-fulfilling, according to a study from
the Netherlands. The researchers say that thinking people don't like you can
actually change your behavior and make you act unlikable.
For example, you might avoid eye contact, stop listening, and gaze off into the
distance—and who wants to hang out with a bump on a log?
13. Be you, bro
Good news: You're
perceived to be trustworthy just because you're a guy, according to a new study
from the University of Alabama. The researchers had people rate witnesses as
they testified in court on a scale of 1 to 10 on likability, trustworthiness,
confidence, and knowledge. The male witnesses received an average trustworthy
score of 7.43, while the women’s was 6.70. (Men’s likability rating was higher,
too, but not enough to be significant.) The researchers say it may have to do
with men historically having more power and status than women. Just don't use
this fact in an argument with your girlfriend.
Ret. 5-5-15
